By: Wayne Head
As a mental health counselor for a local school district, I meet students who need a guide in rating the upsetting things that happen to them in their lives. So, I came up with this simple technique for rating upset.
Imagine getting pooped on by a bird. It’s not great but it doesn’t ruin your day. What would be worse than getting pooped on by one bird? Getting pooped on by two birds would be worse, three birds; leading up to a flock of birds pooping on you. Then what would be worse than a flock of birds pooping on you? An elephant would be worse than that. Elephant poop is monumental. What would be worse than that, two elephants, three; leading up to a flock of elephants. Imagine the level of poop we are talking about with a whole flock of flying elephants.
So, when you experience an upset, rate your day or event by the bird/elephant scaling method. What could reduce an elephant, or bird, or two if you could do this thing?
Lastly, you definitely need an umbrella. Your umbrella for these metaphors is constructed from the following practices.
1) Stay away from absolute thinking: “everyone hates me always,” “no one ever likes me,” etc. Challenge these thoughts. Is it really everyone, or no one, or is this just how I feel in the moment?
2) Challenge your upset thinking by either telling yourself that it could always be worse, and name that dynamic,
3) or challenge it by asking yourself, “what is the worst thing about this upset? And do this until you reach a manageable “worse” dynamic.
4) Stay in the present tense. Do not go into the past. The past is history. You can treat the past like a museum and visit it from time to time, but do not pick up any of the artifacts and try to take them into the present. This event may feel exactly like the time Mrs. Smith called you a donkey, but it is not exactly the same. For one thing, you are a little older and more mature than when you were in the second grade. Bringing the past into the present causes you to be overwhelmed with the emotions and thoughts of both the present problem and the past problem.
5) Stay in the present. Do not try to predict the future. We always approach an unknown or a blank of information with a negative. Leave the future for later.
6) When you do feel overwhelmed with your elephants, pick one thing to do or do differently. Then move onto the next and so on until you have successfully dealt with the upsetting dynamic.
7) Avoid must and should thinking for yourself and for others. These put too great a load on you psychologically, and it makes you pretend that you have control over dynamics that you do not have any control over in the long run.
8) Remember that you are a fallible human being, and so is the other guy. No one here is perfect and to pretend that they are causes us great problems. Being a fallible human being means that you will mess up from time to time and so will others. Cut yourself and them some slack. Fix the issue if you can and move on, trying not to repeat this dynamic if possible.
