Editors Note: The events, characters and the actions taken in this story are completely fictional.
By: Owen Crowlie
In the mainstream media, there’s only room for talk of the major rager parties of fraternities, largely overshadowing the active and experimental small parties happening on campus. If you’re tired of formulaic big-budget meet-ups, messy and loud beyond belief, I have to recommend future parties at my friend Dave’s dorm. I have known Dave for one semester now, and his work constantly evolves and impresses– but is failing to pull in the attendees that such parties deserve. With this review of his last get together I hope to expose these parties to a wider audience.
When I arrived at Dave’s dorm, he already had the fifth opening of Naruto playing off his phone which he had placed into a cup to amplify. It was like witnessing a lo-fi remixing in person, giving the party a genuine feel. So often, parties blast music so loud that you cannot have a conversation– Meanwhile, at Dave’s party, we could hear each other so clearly that I was able to have the rules of Magic: The Gathering explained to me, twice.
Forty-five minutes in, Michael finally arrived and unloaded the nine Bud Light Limes we did not finish last time from his trunk; “Waste not, want not” is our philosophy. Michael went on to give an interesting talk about how keeping them warm in his trunk allows them to ferment more, making it more alcoholic. Also, his mom would flip if she found the beer. Regardless, the drinks were still refreshing and did the trick.
No college party is worth anything, though, without those wild stories you leave with. Well, after we all had one and a half beers for the six of us, Dave did break a lawn chair over Stinky Richard’s back after beating him in Super Smash Bros. Still being a good host, though, Dave stood for the rest of the night because those lawn chairs were all we had to sit on.
Also important is that Dave plans to add many more features to future parties. Newcomers can expect two more Switch controllers so we can play four-player games, a mini-fridge to keep drinks cold and for any ladies who may show up; a wax warmer to keep things smelling fresh.
Dave’s parties are an intimate unique treat that is rare in the world today. Before going to another large overproduced party, ask yourself if you’d rather have a more authentic experience. I hope that you choose Dave’s dorm and that I see you there. If you do, bring five dollars, so we can all go in on pizza.
