By: Jennifer Ziemba
There is a saying by W.E.B. DuBois that states, “Children learn more from what you are than what you teach.”
This saying has been in the back of my mind from the day I had my oldest, 18 years ago. I have always just lived and been present rather than scheduled and made every moment a teachable moment. There is nothing wrong with that form of parenting. I just never thought that way. Have you ever thought, am I happy, sad, or responsible? Do I take life too seriously or not serious enough? Am I always late, early, or do I show up at all to work or events? Am I always stressed or busy or do I rely on others?
I have always taken my children with me to the grocery store, laundry mat, restaurants, school meetings, birthday parties and even doctor’s appointments. If one was invited or had an appointment that meant all of us were getting in the minivan and heading to that event together. I was a single mom for many years with 4 very young children and didn’t think twice about stopping life because it seemed too difficult. Of course it wasn’t easy to take a 7, 4, 3, and 1 year old anywhere, but it was us and we were always together.
I had a system when getting into the minivan. I would say a child’s name and they would say. “here and buckled.” That was the start of any outing. Then when we arrived at our destination I would get the oldest out first and as each child was taken from the van they linked hands with the ones already out. We walked in a line anywhere we went and never lost one another.
Another aspect of my parenting has always been laughter. My children like to remember a time we were walking into a department store, all in a line, and I gracefully fell to one knee and then stood right back up as if nothing happened. We laughed about that the rest of the day and still laugh about it now. It was a small moment in time many years ago that still brings laughter to all of us. We laugh at everything. Someone falls, we laugh (as long as it was just one of those I’m walking and just fall kind of falls and not a serious injury,) someone mixes up words, we laugh, someone puts salt in the cake instead of sugar, we laugh. Life is funny. But I wasn’t teaching my children that they must treat life lightheartedly. I never told them this is how you must behave or act when someone falls or does something silly. I just reacted and lived.
I cherish the time we have as a family and I cherish the bond we all share. I laugh when things are funny and I encourage my children to take risks and laugh at themselves. I never thought in a million years they were learning from my actions. I was just living and they were watching.
My 18 year old just got a job with the company I work for but in a different location. I have heard from several people how amazing she is and responsible and overall a pleasure but what got me was when they said,
“Good job mom.” What?
She is the one displaying the great work ethic, she is the one keeping her calm in chaotic situations, she is the one that deserves the credit, not me.
After hearing, “Good job mom,” from 3 different people I stopped and thought for a while. I guess she has been watching me all this time and took those moments of me making sure all are “here and buckled,” or not panicking when someone fell as being responsible and caring.
She watched me live. She became a responsible, caring, passionate, loving, dedicated, and more importantly thriving adult by simply watching me be me. No pressure, no agendas, but pure unconditional love was what she received from me and that helped mold the amazing woman she is today.
We as parents get caught up in the “teachable moments” that life gives us on a daily basis, but that doesn’t mean we have to teach. It means we have to lead by example and give our children direction. Live in the moment and remember your children are always watching and soaking in everything we do and say.
As long as our children are placed on the right path they will find their way through life as successful adults.
